A Barrel of Monkeys

If you don't read The Swift Report, you really should. Here's the headline to a recent article:

Student Suspended Over Evolution Slur
A seventh grade student at a south central Kansas junior high school has been suspended after implying that a classmate was descended from monkeys. School officials say that the student's two-week suspension was merited by the seriousness of the offense.

Classmates say student is member of an outlaw group called the "Biology Club"

The "Biology Club" is known to "typically keep to themselves", be "adherents of the notorious British naturalist Charles Darwin", "wear a lot of black and eat at their own table in the cafeteria." The student was found in possession of the following incriminating drawing:

Liberty Junior High School principal Marty Hamlin says that officials felt that they had no choice but to make an example of DuFresne. "Saying someone is descended from monkeys is about the worst thing you can say about that person. It's as bad as saying that someone's mother is a prostitute, or telling someone that they're adopted when they're not."

I love how the school is called Liberty Junior High, as if it's named after Liberty University, the bastion of science known for hosting the Mega Creation Conference.

As if this isn't enough, check out this article:

God Denies Links to Pat Robertson
God denied having any links to conservative Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson yesterday after He received reports that Mr. Robertson told residents of Dover, P.A., that they had rejected God by voting their school board out of office for supporting "intelligent design" and warned them of His wrath. Sources close to the Higher Being say that He is "tired" of Mr. Robertson and wants him to stop using His name.

God considering filing "cease and desist" letter

Why is it that the fake news seems to cover current events so much better than the real news?